There is Only Now

April 16, 2013

I started this post several weeks ago. I’ve either been busy in the “only now,” or I’ve been hiding from the “now” of this post. It seems fitting and almost necessary to finish it today.

A few weeks after the boys’ accident, and I’m still so poignantly aware of the fragility life. A wise friend said,

We think we don’t need these reminders, but then they hit and everything becomes much more focused.

And it does.

I’ve found myself saying yes more often since then. Initiating hugs and hair tousles rather than busily rushing by. Listening more intently to stories of video games and reenactments of favorite movie segments. Offering more root beer floats. Stopping at the park mid-run for a playground break. Soaking in the goodness and joy and wonder that these little lives bring to mine.

Because there is only now. And we are so painfully reminded of this. As a country that is still healing from Sandy Hook, we now have Boston to process. And today we also have Virginia Tech to remember.

We are all reeling- parents, runners, everyone- it makes no difference. There is so much sadness to carry from a senseless loss of life and joy. So much stolen from so many. Again we question. We search to make sense of these violent actions. And we always come up short. Because there is no answer that can satisfy our craving.

We are obligated to go on. To parent, to run, to live, and to move forward with a changed heart. We owe it to the lives lost and forever changed to live better. To be the good we wish to see. To raise our children with hearts so full of happiness and joy and love for others that these kinds of actions become unthinkable. To find happiness. To run courageously and strongly.

And yes, to live in the moment. We must fill our days with love and joy: our families, a run, a good book, a finished blog post, a root beer float. Because as all of these recent events have taught us again and again, there are no guarantees of longevity. But we can guarantee our own fulfillment, a positive mark left on this world, a hope for a brighter future.